I Surrender All

Just a 17 year old girl. Living life on a Saturday night, doing things I knew I shouldn't be doing, but I also knew I better have my butt in church on Sunday morning. My friend and I rolled into church on two wheels, looking like something the cat dragged in. We sat through the whole service half alseep and literally counting down the minutes until it was over. Our parents were very active in our church and we knew if we didn't show up, that hang over we had, would have nothing over on the wrath of our mommas.

As alter call ended and church was about to be dismissed, the pastor stepped back up to the pulpit and said "God's not done yet, there's someone here that needs to pray this morning. God wants you know that he'll forgive you for last night, just step out of that pew and meet me at this alter!" We knew he was talking straight to us and we all but ran to that alter. I'm forever thankful for that pastor and his obedience. I accepted Christ into my life that day, He saved me and I knew at that moment my life would never be the same. BUT, there's a big BUT coming, so pay close attention..

I felt like a new girl walking out of church that morning. BUT, it wasn't long before I was back to doing things that would soon drive wedge between me and God. Some would argue if I really even got saved, I'm here to tell you, I did! My convictions were so strong at times, I knew for a fact that it was Him telling me I was getting ready to make a mistake. About eighty percent of the time, those convictions would stop me in my tracks, it's that other twenty percent, yeah-that's what got me in trouble one-hundred-percent of the time.

He still loved me and I have no idea why!

Romans 10:9-10 If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.

Through the Years

My 20's were some really hard years for me. I had two blessings by the age of 21, I watched my parents marriage of 25 years end in divorce, I had two major, life changing surgeries and I left my medical career to go to beauty school. I experienced church hurt and tried to run as far away from God as I could. (I'm proof that ya can't outrun Him) I watched as my own marriage of almost ten years came to a screeching halt and ultimatley ended in divorce. Also, in the middlle of all that chaos, I was singing country music in any bar I could, from here to Nashville.

Full transparency: I was hot mess, y'all!!

My 30's were a little easier as I reconnected with the class clown and good friend from high school, who is now my husband of fourteen years and the greatest man to ever walk into my life, besides Jesus! We started back to church together. We adopted our son, we watched my two girls graduate from high school. We moved a lot and made some wonderful memories. But, nothing's perfect, right? Things got really hard in our marriage for a season. Divorce was not an option, so we fought for each other.

We left our chuch, which was very hard on me. Of course, I still had purpose in being a wife and mother and I never waivered from that, not even for a second. It's what kept me going. I was killing it at my cosmetology career, with a book full of loyal clients and I loved my job. However, I felt completely empty and alone. I found myself wondering around amousley like a tumbleweed in the wind with no peace or direction.

Ya see, friends, I had a void in my life that no person or thing on this earth could ever fill, no matter how hard I tried!!

43 and Filter Free

In 2021, my papaw became very sick and Thursdays were my days to sit with him. We'd have breakfast, do a little bible study, talk about Jesus and then take a nap. We'd do this every week for almost a year. Before I knew it, I was wanting to know Gods word more and more. I found myself waking up early to study and pray everyday. It was like sweet honey and the cure to my craving, starving soul. I'll forever be grateful that God used my papaw in his last days to help me find my way back to the arms of my Savior.

I never told papaw how much I appreciated him for pouring his love of Jesus into me because my goodness, I needed it so badly. He started to fill that void without even realizing it, or did he?? I hold to the promise that one day I'll be able to ask him in heaven and tell him how grateful I am for our time together.

I'm getting ready to celebrate a birthday this week and let me tell y'all-44 came quick. But, really, I just want to take a moment to celebrate a whole year of being 43 and filter-free. I'm not talking about a good picture filter, even though I'm trying to use those a little less as well. I'm talking about removing the facade. Doing away with the people pleasing. I'm talking about removing the fake masks I thought I had to wear to be accepted and loved. I shook off the heavy burden of anxiety that kept me from putting myself out there for Jesus. I removed the watered down, filtered version of Michelle. I am who God made me to be and for the first time in my life, I'm happy with that.

I remember the day I knew God was getting ready to make some huge changes in me from the inside/out. I was leaving my papaws house and I promised God that if he'd forgive me and give me the courage, I'd live the rest of my days on this earth for Him. I'd sing and share His word with anyone who'd listen. I'd take off the worldly garb and wear His armor every single day. Y'all, I meant every word and so did He, because I felt the change happening the minute my prayer was complete.

I was already empty-complete vacancy, I just needed Him to move in and fill me with His Holy Spirit. He did just that!

Void filled!!

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!

Who is God, Anyway?

I was saved at 17, not a doubt in my heart, I was and still am Gods girl. But, at 41, I completely surrendered my whole life to Jesus. I finally, let go and let God. No looking back. No holds barred, I ain't going back, y'all. My hope and faith is in Him and Him alone. I learned a long time ago to not put my faith in the people of this world because we all fail and make mistakes. So, I put God the forefront of my life, taking precedence over everyone and everything else in it.

That doesn't make me perfect, y'all, it just makes me a flawed woman who loves Jesus with all that I am and who by the way, still makes mistakes!

Let me tell ya about my God and who He is to me: He is my comforter. He is my peace. He is the beginning and the end and everything in between. He is my Heavenly Father. He is my best friend. He is the giver of life and the Lord of mine. He is Jehovah. He is forgiving. He is the creator of all things. He is the truth. He is sovereign. He is almighty. He is merciful. He is the giver of grace and love. He is the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. And so much more.

Friend, He can be all of those things for you, too.

Psalm 94:19 Our hope is found in the Lord. He comforts and lifts our spirits if we will run to Him with our doubts, worries and fears.

Surrendering doesn't mean easy, but it does mean He walks with you through the hard.

Here's the thing, when you walk with Jesus-you walk more gracefully. Not perfect, but born again and forgiven. Beauty is only skin deep, when you have a heart for Jesus, girl, there ain't no stopping you. But, you can't just take my word for it, this is something you have to learn all on your own. I can't take that step for you, but I'll gladly take it with you!

Godfidence

Remove all the filters and the fake mask, sis, completely sell out to God and be who He made you to be. Submerge yourself in His word and fall in love with Jesus. It will be the best thing you'll ever do! Not just for you, but for your family, your children, your childrens children, the list goes on and on. You'll break generational curses, you'll have a hope in your future like never before. He will give you strength to walk away from people that are pulling you down and away from Him. He will give you stength to break those closet addictions/sins you think you're hiding. God is omniscient, meaning He's all-knowing-past, present and furture. Nothing takes Him by surprise, so, you know He see's you too, right?? Speak Jesus over whatever it is that's keeping you from completely surrendering and do it for real this time!!!

Psalm 147:5 Great is our Lord, and of great power: his understanding is infinite.

So far, my 40's have been the best yet. Call me crazy, but I know it's because I surrendered it all to Jesus. I walk with straight Godfidence now! I'm not the same person I once was, that ol' girl is long gone and I thank God for that! He gave me a backbone to withstand the strongest of storms and a boldness in His name to take on any adversary. I've got joy (even through the stuggles) like I've never had before and a some new laugh lines to go with it! Guess what, I'm gonna rock them proudly because it's proof that I've lived life, not perfectly, but well.

Get God and get Godfindence, girl, you'll never be the same and that's a good thang!!

Jesus is the right way, He's the only way and I'll go toe-to-toe with anyone over that, any time of any day!

Your Godfident friend,

Michelle